Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
