i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
