I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
