Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize