Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
