I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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