you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
