Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
