thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
