She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
