I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
