You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
