so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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