He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
