On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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