idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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