i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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