i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
