If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
