Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ok first of all what the fuck
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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