I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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