Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
