how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Who put my cat in the fridge?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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