he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
