I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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