But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i love accidental penises.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
