I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
