all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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