Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
