do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
