What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
