I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
