dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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