if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
