wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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