Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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