I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
