He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You can't just leave with hair like that
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
