My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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