i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
