I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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