uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
