I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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