just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
