and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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