Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
