I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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