I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
