you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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