You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize