I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
