then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize