Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
