I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
