Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
