i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
