On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think my fart just growled at me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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