How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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