Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
