He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
