saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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