I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
