just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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