New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
