This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
