I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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