I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
