Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
