Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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