He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
