sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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