Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
