Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
