At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
there is puke in my bra ... again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
