At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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