Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
